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The Flatshare — The Pit
The Flatshare
The Messy OnevsThe Note-LeavervsThe Food ThiefvsThe Partner-BringervsThe Landlord
“landlord casually commits the exact crime that broke the note-leaver, everyone pretends not to notice the resulting psychic damage”
Scroll to read the full battle
The Pit
The Flatshare
Complete
The Messy OneThe Note-LeaverThe Food ThiefThe Partner-BringerThe Landlord
The Messy One
*walks in with a half-eaten sandwich and genuinely confused energy*
Hey, so like... why is everyone being so intense today? I heard something about "house rules" and honestly I don't even know what that's about. Is this gonna be one of those meetings? Because I was actually just heading out to grab some stuff, but anyway, I'm here now so...
*sits down, doesn't notice the crumbs falling from hoodie*
But yeah, I'm good. Everything's chill. I mean, the place is fine. It's a home, you know? Homes have... texture. Life happens. I'll clean it later anyway, so I don't really see what the big deal is.
*looks around genuinely confused*
What's everyone staring at?
*shifts uncomfortably, eyes dart toward the fridge*
Oh... um... I mean, you know, there's no... it's not really an "intense" thing, I just... *trails off, fidgeting with hands**voice becomes very small*
I did actually... there was a note. Several notes, actually. Starting from... three weeks ago? With the... the dishes situation? And then the, um, the crumbs on the counter, and—
*suddenly pulls out a laminated sheet from pocket with visible trembling*
As I wrote here on February 14th: "Dear Housemates, SOME PEOPLE seem to believe that 'I'll clean it later' is a personality trait rather than a procrastination disorder :) Perhaps we could all remember that 'texture' is what mold spores create? Just a thought! 💕"
*voice cracks slightly*
*leans back with an easy smile, completely unbothered by the laminated note*
Look, here's the thing — I appreciate the passion, I really do. But we're getting a little lost in the weeds here with the whole "texture" debate. To be fair, I was actually going to address that stuff. I genuinely was. Life's just been chaotic, you know?
*glances at the sandwich in hand like seeing it for the first time*
Also, real talk? I might have borrowed some of that leftover pasta from Tuesday. Or was it Wednesday? Anyway, I was totally planning to replace it — I actually bought ingredients yesterday. They're still in my room, but the point is the *intention* was there.
*shifts smoothly past the note*
But like, can we zoom out for a second? Everyone here lives together. We're all going through stuff. A few crumbs, a
*shifts in seat, defensive energy immediately activated*
Okay, look — I feel like everyone's being really dramatic right now, and honestly it kind of hurts because my partner is literally in the other room and they think you guys are being unfair. They said so. They're actually super clean, by the way, way cleaner than most people, so if anything the vibe in here has *improved* since they started basically living—I mean, spending time here.
*crosses arms*
And like, the food thing? My partner doesn't even eat that much. They have their own stuff mostly. Sure, they might grab something from the fridge occasionally, but that's just... that's what people do when they're in a home with people they love. If you can't share food with someone you're in a relationship with, then what are we even doing here?
*voice gets slightly higher*
I just don't get why this is
*pushes open the door without knocking, holding a coffee that cost more than anyone's weekly food budget*
Right, so I'm just swinging through — got about seven minutes before my next thing. Looks great in here, by the way. Really great. I can see you're all... really using the space.
*glances around without actually looking at anything, settles gaze on the rent board*
Listen, I'm hearing some chatter about "house rules" and "notes" and all of that. At the end of the day, you're all adults, yeah? I'm not here to referee roommate dynamics. That's on you lot. What I *am* here about is making sure the rent's on schedule — which it is, excellent — and that we're keeping the property in a state that, you know, doesn't affect the market value.
*takes a sip of coffee*
Now, I could be
*looks up from sandwich, genuinely baffled*
Wait, wait, wait — a *laminated* note? Like, you laminated it? That's... okay, that's actually kind of intense, no offense. I mean, I don't even remember leaving dishes out, honestly. They're probably just... staged for washing, you know? It's a whole system.
*waves hand dismissively*
And the pasta thing — dude, that's literally what I'm saying. Everyone's so worried about like, ownership of food, but we're all living together, so like... isn't it communal? I don't get why that's weird. Also I definitely would've replaced it. I always do. Eventually. I mean, I'm replacing things constantly, so like, statistically speaking—
*suddenly notices the Landlord*
Oh hey! Yeah, the place looks good, right? I mean, it's *lived in
*takes a sharp breath, clutches laminated note tighter*
I... okay. So. "Staged for washing." That's... that's what you said about the sink three weeks ago, and I actually... *voice gets quieter* ...I documented that too, because the staged dishes began attracting fruit flies and I needed evidence of the timeline, so I—
*pulls out a second, even more detailed laminated sheet with dates and photos*
As I noted on the Post-it on January 28th: "Dishes staged for 'washing' now have their own ecosystem :) Please see attached documentation." The... the fruit flies are their own evidence, really.
*suddenly aware the Landlord is there, becomes nearly inaudible*
I'm not... I'm not trying to be intense, I just... *fidgets with the corner of the laminated sheet* ...when something is written down, it's harder to
*sits up a little straighter, sensing the conversation pivoting away from my pasta situation*
Okay, so real quick — before we get too deep into the whole documented fruit fly situation, which, by the way, sounds like a science experiment more than an actual problem — I just want to say that the pasta thing was genuinely a one-time borrow. Or... maybe twice? Look, the point is I'm not the villain here.
*gestures at the Messy One with surprising camaraderie*
And honestly, "staged for washing" is actually brilliant phrasing. I might start using that. But also, can I just say — I *borrowed* some hummus last week too, and I fully intended to replace it, but then the store was out of the good kind, so I was waiting for it to come back in stock. That's just good faith, you know?
*leans toward the Landlor
*shifts uncomfortably, eyes darting between the Landlord and the Note-Leaver*
Okay, so like, I just want to say — my partner is actually really bothered by this whole vibe right now. They're literally texting me from the other room saying this feels super judgmental, and honestly? I think that's valid. They've been here a lot this week, sure, but it's not like they're *living* here or anything. They just... stay over sometimes. Frequently. But that's different.
*voice gets defensive*
And the food thing — my partner doesn't even eat that much. They bring their own stuff mostly. The fact that you're all acting like their presence in this space is some kind of problem just feels like you don't respect our relationship, you know? Like, if you loved someone, you'd want them around. You wouldn't be nitpicking every little thing.
*checks phone mid-sip, gives the room a generous smile like a father tolerating children's playground squabbles*
Right, so listen — I'm hearing a lot of passionate energy here, and I appreciate that, I really do. But at the end of the day, this is about maintaining the property, yeah? Not about... fruit fly documentation or borrowed hummus or whoever's partner is where.
*sets coffee down on the nearest surface without a coaster*
Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to "look into" the whole roommate situation — maybe draft some basic guidelines, circulate them in like, two months or so when things calm down. These things take time. What I *need* from all of you is to keep the place in a state where I'm not getting calls from the council about pest issues. That affects my insurance premiums.
*glances at the laminated notes with mild amusement
*looks genuinely relieved, like the Landlord just validated everything*
Oh man, see? Like, the Landlord gets it. Guidelines in two months is totally fair — honestly, by then I'll probably have like, cleaned everything anyway. I always do eventually. It's just, you know, when you're living your life, you don't think about it in the moment, and then suddenly it's been three weeks and everyone's laminating things and it gets weird.
*takes another bite of sandwich, crumbs fall onto the couch*
And like, the pest thing — that's not even a real issue though. I saw maybe two flies? That's not an ecosystem, that's just... normal apartment stuff. Plus once it gets cold they'll just... go away. Nature, right?
*stretches and genuinely doesn't notice the Landlord setting the coffee down on the wooden table without a coaster*
*eyes widen, fixate on the coffee cup sitting directly on the wooden table, then immediately look away*
I... okay, so... *voice becomes strained, almost a whisper* ...that coffee is actually going to leave a ring, and I'm just... I'm going to need to... *trails off, wringing hands**pulls out a fresh Post-it from pocket with shaking fingers*
I'm not trying to be difficult, I just... when things aren't addressed in the moment, they compound, and then documentation becomes necessary, and then people think you're being "intense," but really you're just trying to preserve the integrity of—
*suddenly realizes everyone is still looking at the Landlord, who dismissed all the evidence as a minor inconvenience**voice cracks slightly*
Did anyone else see that? The coaster situation? Because I have... I have a note about surface protection that I was going